I've recently discovered that I've developed a habit of wishing into existence a disapproval that others hold towards my life. I then project this imagined disapproval onto my own thoughts about my life, which then elicits a sense of profound dissatisfaction with where I am and what I'm doing. But...my life is actually pretty great.
It seems like more and more people are moving to new and exciting places and taking up new jobs after graduation. I have friends in Chicago, Texas, Virginia, etc. who all found these incredible opportunities in foreign cities and states to just pick up and go. It seems to be a trend these days, actually. So much to the point where if you're not going to these places or making some kind of crazy moves and decisions in your post grad life, then you're not living life the way it's meant to be lived.
At least this is what I've been telling myself. Me being poor Mary who is still living in Binghamton and working at the same job she started when she graduated two years ago. I've been in Binghamton for two years. I never could've predicted this. I probably would've laughed in your face if you told me this is where I'd end up. Staying in Binghamton longterm is something Matt would do, definitely not me.
But here I am - still working in Bartle, still going to CoGS, still going to IV on Friday nights, and still staying up to all hours of the night like I'm still in undergrad. But here's what's different: I'm in grad school taking a full load of classes every semester in addition to 30 hours of work per week; The vast majority of my friends here are younger than me, allowing me the opportunity to live my life in a way that they can look up to and be available to them in times of indecision and uncertainty; I have a strong network of professionals at work who are constantly looking for ways for me to bolster my resume and take advantage of opportunities that will help me find a great job in the future; and, geographically, I'm in the middle of many of my friends and family. I can easily drive up to see my parents and Grace, drive down to LI and the city to see friends and more family, or really anywhere in the Northeast for times I'm overwhelmed by wanderlust.
My life isn't stagnant. I'm working towards two master's degrees while holding a regular job, I'm surrounding myself with fellowship in church and IV, I'm establishing relationships with younger people so I can try to be a mainstay for them, and I'm traveling a whole lot this summer and seeing all kinds of people who enrich my life in many ways.
The problem here is that social media sucks. I should know - I keep up with pretty much everything. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Pinterest, Reddit - I've got it all. And pretty consistently keeping up with all of these platforms has left me with a theory. I don't even know if you can call it that because I think it's really pretty obvious: People only post what they want you to see. When you have a hilarious fail moment, you want to share with everyone so they can laugh with you about how funny it is, making you feel better that it happened at all. Or maybe you reach out to your online friends when something bad happens, garnering a sense of support and community when they respond with their condolences and well wishes. And then there's always the posts that boast the shiny new car you just bought, or the overly generous present someone just gave you, or the perfectly crafted ice cream cone on a beautiful July afternoon. I'm guilty of all of these...okay, probably that last example more than the others.
Humans are inherently selfish. If you've ever experienced IV's circle diagram, you'll know that this is established in the second step, right after God creates a perfect world. It's natural for us to want what's best for us. And this is an especially difficult habit to resist when you have social media at your fingertips: a platform to instantly publicize the latest great thing to happen in your life.
Someone recently asked me why people think its necessary to drop what they're doing so they can pose and smile for a picture. In a photograph taken to remember a specific event, we're abandoning the way we're interacting with that event so we can form some synthetic representation of ourselves at the event. How does this make any sense?
When I thought about it, I came to two possible conclusions. (1) People want to remember an event fondly, and they want to look good doing it. So, in our minds, it's better to have a synthesized scene from that memory where we know we look our best than it is to chance a candid shot that also captures imperfection. Who wants to look back on a fond memory when they have to look at a picture where their double-chin is showing?
Another example is when people compile a collage or just post a single picture of a friend of theirs. Usually it's for the friend's birthday but it can be at random times, too. The caption will usually gush about what a great friend this person is and who lucky they are to know them. Really what the caption says is "look at what a beautiful/fun/amazing friend I have and you probably don't." Alright, that sounds a little harsher than I wanted it to. But really, think about what's going through your head when you post things on social media. What is your purpose in posting it? Are you trying to get likes? Are you trying to make your friends - people who you more than likely care for - envious of your life? Are you thinking about good pictures you can use on a future TBT?
I'm not arguing for a dissolution of all social media or a cease-fire (cease-post?) on all of your parts. I don't really know what I'm arguing for, actually. I guess I'm trying to comfort myself (and you too, if you need it) through knowing that all of the exciting life events that get posted on Facebook and all of the artsy drool-inducing pictures that get posted on Instagram aren't proper representations of others' lives. Moving to a new city and new job is a very exciting step, but it's also lonely and stressful at times. You're probably not going to see that part on Facebook. So never compare your life to others. I've learned this lesson so many times and I have no doubt that I'll continue to learn it again and again in the future. We're all different and we can't have the same expectations for ourselves that we do for others (and vice versa).
Now let me go update my Snapchat Story with all the exciting things I'm doing this weekend so I can make everyone jealous of my life. Jk. Sort of.
